VAN ZIEKS

[third_alternative]

oh i GOTTA find the perfect shitpost for this one

Comments

[winebar]

If you want me to employ you, you aught to seem more employable.

[third_alternative]

Hey, come on! Who could be more qualified than the guy who's saved the entire planet like at least ten times over by now?!

[winebar]

A man with the proper paperwork to prove it.

[third_alternative]

Psh, there's plenty of paperwork to prove it, you can just look at any newspaper where I'm from.

It's not like I carry all that around with me every day, though. I don't usually need to back up my credentials. I just show up and everyone knows I've got it handled.

[winebar]

You seem to be quite adept at making up excuses. A shame I don't have need of something like that.

[third_alternative]

Oh yeah? Well, where's your paperwork, then?

[winebar]

My paperwork for what?

[third_alternative]

For being qualified! To be a--you know, prosecutor lawboy or whatever.

[winebar]

I'm not asking for compensation the way you are.

[third_alternative]

No, but if you're willing to offer compensation, then I should get to know if you're qualified to do so.

Or, forget compensation. If you're gonna try and instate "order" like you keep saying, don't you think we have a right to see your qualifications?

[winebar]

I think instating order is something everyone should want?

[third_alternative]

Psh, order's overrated.

[winebar]

[STARES AT HIM TIREDLY.]

Weren't you claiming to be involved in law enforcement?

[third_alternative]

Yeah, but not exactly cuz I want to be.

[winebar]

[Frowns in confusion.]

What do you mean?

[third_alternative]

[ shrugs ] It was less of me wanting anything to do with the whole "enforcement of law and/or order" thing, and more of a deal. I get to be their secret weapon, and they give me a place to live in exchange.

I mean, at this point I've got bigger things to worry about than any of that, so it's not like it matters, but it sure wasn't my life's ambition or anything.

[winebar]

... And what if you decide you don't wish to work for them anymore?

[third_alternative]

I mean...technically I don't, anymore? There was kind of a whole coup thing, so now I'm just with this ragtag defectors' group. Same job, waaaaay less resources.

[winebar]

[HELLO? He pinches the bridge of his nose.]

You're some sort of revolutionary?

[third_alternative]

Ooooh! [ snaps his fingers into fingerguns ] You know what, I like the sound of that!

Yes! Yes, I am a revolutionary!

[winebar]

[Well now he has regrets.]

No wonder you behave so lawlessly.

[third_alternative]

Hey! I still defend people from monsters and everything! Not my fault the real, lawful organization I worked for got taken over by power hungry tyrants!

'Sides, if the law can just let that happen, then it's not really worth following.

[winebar]

[Ugh.]

I hope you are at least trying to regain control of the organization.

[third_alternative]

Mostly? We're just trying to stop 'em from like, taking over the whole universe. Figuring out what to do with it comes after all that. Like dessert!

[winebar]

[He is so tired.]

I cannot help but wonder if you are making all of this up.