VAN ZIEKS

[third_alternative]

oh i GOTTA find the perfect shitpost for this one

Comments

[third_alternative]

Oh. Why are you only giving it beans, then?

What's it even do, that makes it all alive and stuff?

[winebar]

It vibrates the most when I feed it baked beans so I think it either hates them or they are its favorite.
[Apparently either option works for him.]

It can move around and it has a tongue and teeth.

[third_alternative]

So you just...have a pet piece of furniture now?

...y'know, I didn't take you for such a softie.

[winebar]

[Van Zieks closes his fucking eyes because he can't argue this apparently.]

It's not as if it requires much upkeep.

[third_alternative]

Aside from foraging for beans.

So, what'd you name it?

[winebar]

I have not named it.

[third_alternative]

What? Come on, man, that's like rule numero uno for owning pets--ya gotta name them!

[winebar]

It's not my pet. it simply lives in my room.

[third_alternative]

Uh-huh. That's what they all say.

So, I'm thinking...Toothy? Trunky? Come on, you know this thing better than I do.